


Movin On

by fullmetalbaby



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, RoyxEdward
Genre: Grief, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-21 04:11:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11349597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetalbaby/pseuds/fullmetalbaby
Summary: Alphonse loses his life and Edward blames himself. Will he ever be able to move on?





	Movin On

     The funeral was rather large. Everyone who the two Elric brothers had come to know over the years had come to Resembool to pay their respects and mourn the loss of the greatest person Ed had ever known. He kept to himself during the funeral for fear of breaking down, the thought of speaking at the moment more terrifying than going through the gate or even automail attachment.He figured everyone would understand if he didn't participate in speeches. There was nothing he could say or even do that would bring him back.He could only feel the pain. After the ceremony Winry and her grandmother Pinako stood with tears in their eyes shaking the hands of their friends,some of which brought flowers and gifts to help the grieving family. Ed however had left the group,unable to deal with everyone else’s sorrow, and found himself standing over the grave that held the remains of the person he loved most,the person he had failed. Because of him Alphonse was dead. At least that’s how he saw it.

    He shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers and was rolling his alchemist watch around in his hand. the watch that held the truth about his past. the past that was the reason his younger brother was robbed of most of the life he did have before his passing.It had only been 3 years since he had reclaimed Al’s body from behind the gate.Not enough time to make up for the years Al lost because of him. He pulled the watch from his pocket and popped it open. “Don't forget.3 oct. 11” god,he wished he could forget. Forget everything. He scrubbed at his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket to wipe away a stray tear that fell and then shoved the watch back into his pocket. He had no purpose now,no value to add to the world. His alchemy was taken and his brother was gone, everything that made him who he was, had vanished. Maybe there was no point in living anymore now.

“Edward…” he heard Winry say from behind him. He didn’t respond,just stuffed both hands into his pockets and sighed. “ we are going to head back to the house now,will you come with or are you going to stay a little while longer?” There’s no way he could stand to be in that house surrounded by all those people, munching on food and socializing like the whole world didn't just come crashing down onto him.

”I think I will stay a little longer. Don’t worry about me I’ll walk back later” Winry moved in front of him and wrapped her arms around his,pinning them to his side. He decided it would have been harder to try and pull his hands from his pockets to return the effort so he just stood there awkwardly while she embraced him. After a moment she pulled back and rubbed her hands up and down his biceps in an attempt to comfort him,sorrow wallowing behind her bright blue eyes and marring her face with grief.

“Ok Ed,be safe” she kissed his cheek and left him standing there, once again alone with himself.

‘What’s the point?’ he thought,sighing once again.

After a moment, he turned to watch everyone leave,off to go eat and chat about old memories of Al in an attempt to make themselves feel better. Perhaps it would help them to numb the pain,but Ed knew it wouldn’t make things better for him. ‘I don't think anything ever will’.

He watched Winry help Pinako into the car and then get into the driver's side to take off as the others followed suit. One by one each car that had been waiting for their passengers took off from the graveyard grounds and disappeared beyond the gates. Ed sighed with relief,finally able to breath now that he had the privacy he had been needing since they arrived earlier that morning for the ceremony.Though as he was about to turn away from the receding guests he noticed one man who hadn’t left,in fact he was walking up to join Ed. He guessed that was fine though, only because that man happened to be Roy.

Roy didn’t speak when he reached Ed,only stopped and pulled something out of his pocket. A Pack of smokes? Since when did Roy smoke? He watched as Roy pulled a cigarette from the package and pointed it over to Ed. He just shook his head in response to the offer. Roy shrugged and stuffed the cartridge back into his coat pocket and proceeded to snap his gloved fingers to light the cigarette. He pressed it to his lips and inhaled,letting it soak into his lungs before exhaling and blowing the smoke off into the wind.

“ I didn’t know you smoked” Ed said,looking away to stare off into the distance.

“Yeah,on days like this I guess I just need one” he said,taking another drag.

“I guess I can see that.But you look like Havoc,surrounded by his usual cloud of smoke” Ed commented,looking back at Roy who gave a soft smile.

“I guess you’re right” he replied. They stood there for a few moments without speaking,both a little unsure of what to say next until Ed stuck his hand out towards Roy,motioning for him to hand him the cigarette. Roy raised his eyebrow, as if confused about what Ed wanted so Ed reached out and grabbed the cigarette from between his fingers and pressed it to his own lips. Taking a drag he felt the smoke fill his lungs. it kind of burned but he held back the urge to cough as he exhaled. Roy just stared at him ,a little shocked that he had taken it but at the same time not because he knew all too well what Ed was dealing with and just how much grief could affect someone.Hell,thats exactly why he had picked up smoking himself all those years ago.Roy was no stranger to death and the heavy weight it bared. Ed took another drag and looked at Roy.

“What?” he asked in response to the look Roy was giving him.

“Nothing, I was just thinking that I guess I’ll have to get myself another one” he replied as he pulled the cartridge from his jacket again and pulled another cigarette from it. Ed watched him light it up and they both took a long drag at the same time.

“You know, I never thought I would smoke” Ed said,eyeing the half burnt cigarette between his fingers. “But you were right, I guess sometimes you just need one” He exhaled a cloud of smoke from his lungs and held the cigarette out in front of him,examining it.” Now I just can't see a reason not to anymore” Roy sighed and stepped closer to Ed as he placed it back between his lips.

“Ed, I am sure you are finding ways to blame yourself. I just want you to know that no one else blames you for what happened,and you know you can always come to me if you need anything. Believe it or not I do care for you.quite a lot actually, so please make use of this invitation. You know my address.”

Ed turned his face away from Roy as tears threatened to break free from his eyes.the fact that roy had seen right through him came as no surprise.any fool who knew of Ed knew that he would do anything for his brother.so naturally if they knew how Alphonse had died anyone with common sense could have probably figured out that Edward would blame himself for it.but nevertheless, the fact that he was soo easily readable scared him to his core.

Roy Stepped in front of him and gently grabbed his chin,making him look up at him. Ed’s heart pounded in his chest and sheer shock at the situation froze him in place. What was going on? Roy gave Ed a small smile before gently placing a kiss on his forehead.

“ Don’t do anything rash Fullmetal,I’ll never forgive you” Roy said then stepped back to burn out the rest of his cigarette on the bottom of his shoe. Ed just looked up at him in shock,cigarette still hanging from his mouth. What exactly did the colonel mean? Roy looked back at Ed who was staring at him.confusion and shock plastered on his face. “What?...You mean you didn’t know?” he asked Ed.

“Know what?” Ed responded,still confused as to what was happening. Roy sighed and looked down at the ground.

“Of course you didn’t notice.” he sighed. “ I guess i can be hard to read at times.” he stuffed his hands into his coat and looked away again. “ That I care for you.Maybe more than i should. I guess I always have.” Ed just stared up at Roy,unable to respond. Was he admitting that he likes him? “Don't worry Ed you don't have to respond,I’m not looking for anything in return. I just want you to know I’m here for you” He really was….if it had been a few days earlier that Roy had confessed he would of had a response for him,but today he just couldn’t find the words.

Before Ed could even pull the cigarette from his mouth to at least try and give Roy some kind of response to let him know that he had heard him Roy pulled out the small box of smokes and a match box and tossed them to Ed who swiftly reached out his hands to catch them.

“You need them more than I do.Just try and be moderate with it okay Ed? Don’t make it into a bad habit like Havoc” Roy said before turning to leave. Eds mind was racing,unsure of what he should say,if anything but seeing that man walk away from him was almost too much to bear. His entire soul ached and that fleeting moment had struck him more than he was able to admit. So he pulled the cigarette from between his lips and called out.

“Roy wait! “ he took a step towards the man but stopped. What could he possibly say next? What had he wanted to say in the first place when he called to him? Roy stopped and turned back to look at him.

“Yes?” Ed couldn’t find the words.they were trapped somewhere inside that he just couldn't reach so he settled with “ thank you for coming.I know he would be glad you came”

Ed saw the almost hopeful look in Roys eyes fade out and his expression change back into his professional demeanor.

“ Of course Fullmetal, I wouldn’t have missed it. Feel free to visit if and when you decide to return to Central” Roy nodded and turned to leave once more. As Ed watched the flame alchemist walk away his heart seemed to break all over again,the feeling of loss sweeping over him like a tidal wave but all he could do was ride the waves and pray that he wouldn't be swept away ,at least until He was completely alone.

Only then would he allow himself to break down. He watched As Roy walked back to his rental car,climb into the driver's seat and drive away from him. Only when he could no longer see that car did he collapse onto his knees,dropping his now burnt out cigarette butt and the half smoked pack onto the ground. The tears that he had been fighting against the past few days came pouring down like a steady river,and he let them. Even if Roy had come back at that moment Ed didn’t think he could stop now.

“Alphonse I’m so sorry....” he cried,placing his hands over his eyes to try and hide his tear streaked face.

“ I don't know what to do anymore Al….I failed to protect you and now you're dead..I’m a fucking disgrace and i don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve him….brother I am soo sorry for letting you down….”he whispered to the wind as he wiped his sleeves over his eyes to wick up the flowing tears as they fell.

He stayed huddled at the foot of his brothers grave until the skys clouds came rolling in to cast a deep shadow over the graveyard,threatening to rain down onto him. He slowly pulled himself up off his knees and stood over his brothers grave.

“I love you Al…..I hope you find peace” he whispered and then began walking. Walking back to the house him and Al called home. What exactly was home for him now? Pinakos?Central? Both options only brought upon anguish and pain as both places had only really been home because Al would be there. Still,he knew the Rockbells needed him and he wasn’t one to deny them. Afterall they did take care of him and his brother after their mother had died and even after everything he had done they still cared for him and Al as if they really were family.Even though Al was gone,he knew he was still loved.Though he couldn’t tell you why.

So for now his home would be with Winry and Pinako,the closest thing to family he had left. ‘Though i suppose i have to return to central at least once more to pack up our apartment…’ Ed thought then stuffed his hands into his pockets,hitting the cardboard box of smokes Roy had tossed him. The memories of their conversation earlier flooded his mind painfully. What was he going to do about him? Roy had been precious to him for years but he never imagined Roy would feel the same. And now? After losing his brother…. No….he couldn’t think about it. Roy deserved better than him.He would have to let him go….He had no claim on happiness anymore,for in his eyes,it was his fault that Al was dead,and that was unforgivable.


End file.
